This and other valuable lessons can be learned from none other than television sitcoms of the 1980’s.
Remember Diff’rent Strokes? Man, that was awesome. (Now pause and think about it for a second. Good.)Mr. Drummond loved those two boys so much. Sure he made them call him Mr. Drummond, but they drove around in a limo. Everywhere.
I’ve been thinking lately of all the things I have gleaned through the hours I’ve spent painstakingly researching these sitcoms.
It was hard, but two late-night impulse garden implement purchases later (Dude, it totally thrashed those huge weeds up to two inches thick!), I think I may have achieved a level of human understanding not had by anyone previously, except possibly Vin Di Bona. Here are a few of the nuggets of truth:
Cool, rebellious people are often named “Jesse” or “Nick”.
Surely the slick looks of Full House’s Uncle Jesse have now come out from the part of the brain they were once seared into, and you can see him now.
Have mercy! He was a real bad boy, wasn’t he? Except he lived in his brother’s attic was the only Achilles heel.
Oh, but how I wish that I had Jesse’s girl. Then there’s the other Uncle Jesse, from Dukes of Hazzard. Man, that guy was awesome.
Even in my youth, I half-expected him to turn to the camera and recommend a good brand of whiskey or lard.
Nick from Family Ties was so wicked. He didn’t even say hello, just “Ey.”
A poster of the “Nelson” twins is recommended for girls 14 years of age.
New Kids on the Block can be substituted if necessary.
The most clever, happy, satisfied people are housekeepers.
Tony Danza’s character on “Who’s the Boss” was a prime example. A friend of mine used to think, by the way, that Elton John’s song “Tiny Dancer” was actually about Tony Danza. “Hold me closer, Tony Danza…”
Just think if the annals of Mr. Belvedere were available today in book form.
TV was more than entertainment; it practically raised us and taught us about really concentrating, sticking with things, seeing them through. It also turned us all into the selfish, neurotic, well-dressed people we are today.But we all know that if our household has a major crisis, it will all somehow blow over in twenty minutes, with a Monster Truck Rally ad and a Furniture Blowout Sale commercial in between so we can mull the finer emotional nuances of the situation--you know, cleanse the palate.
Yeah, TV’s great. OK, I’ve lost my concentration. I need some sugar. Maybe I’ll finish the article later.