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Last
week, my emotions concerning truly great, nifty old sports gear
got me whipped up into such a strong state, I may have alienated
a few friends.
Not you, “Gordon in Oklahoma”, I alienated you on purpose
because of how much I hate you.
No,
the apology I will now offer is to the much-maligned color Teal,
which I called a bastard rather unceremoniously last week.
As I sat on my lawn, after penning the offending article, I fell
into a visionary state (which may have had something to do with
a certain seven items from a certain dollar menu at a certain
popular fast-food chain).
I was transported back to the year 1989, when teal was as fresh
and delightful as Debbie Gibson and all her fawning electric
youth. Teal was there looking at me, intense hurt in its
androgynous eyes.
“Cheeth, where has all your love for me gone?”, it implored.
I was too ashamed to answer.
“Have
you forgotten the days when the only two shirts you would wear
to school were a new Batman shirt, and a pure teal t-shirt with
a single breast pocket? |
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Have
you forgotten the confidence my brightness and stylish power
afforded you in the face of such ridicule and laughter?” (Here
he was referring to the time I angrily proclaimed myself the
infallible “Cheeth of Deeth” in opposition to my ousting from a
particularly heated spelling bee).
“When your brown and orange shirts were the object of your
distaste, even the scapegoats of your self-inflicted
unpopularity?! When you bought a Florida Marlins hat the day it
came out?! When you…"
“STOP! I’m so sorry, Teal,” I cried. It was too much. I knew
Teal was right. I was a disgrace to all people whose love for
teal and like colors was merely dormant, not gone forever. Teal
then proceeded to ask if it could crash at my place for a while,
just until it could get a steady job again.
I guess those heady days of becoming official colors of teams
and being used on album covers were also decadent,
spend-all-your-money-on-teal-ferraris-and-cocaine days as well.
I was hesitant, but it coerced me into letting it stay in the
end, along with a few friends. When I awoke, I realized I’d wet
my pants, and I couldn’t believe it.
Then I remembered that that was from before the dream.
Anyway, since work’s been scarce, I figured I’d let Teal and
friends have a few nifty items here on the site, too. Check them
out. They’re so cutting edge thrift, they’ll slice your
thriftibules off.
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