Q: I just started a new job and am looking for some cool vintage ties to spice up my wardrobe. Can you help?

Pete in Boca Raton, FL

Chico: Without a doubt! We have a huge selection of amazing vintage ties. Simply click on the men's accessories menu button and choose "ties." Happy hunting.

Q: I love the models that rotate on your front page. They look like real people and not those plastic freaks on the runway. Are they really normal people like you and me… ok, me?

Donna in Herndon, PA

Chico: Yep, they are average thrifters who have allowed us to put their photos up for all to see. I’ve tried to sneak in a picture of my orangutan girlfriend, but the stiffs at corporate said she wasn’t “front page material”. Bastards.

If you think you have what it takes, send your photos to models@niftythreads.com

Q: I just got back from Japan and saw a Niftythreads sticker on a light post in Tokyo. Where are you guys based and how many countries do you sell to?

Michael in Auburn, WA

Chico: That sticker could have been posted by one of our many customers in the land of the rising sun, or possibly by the Cheeth of Deeth himself. Cheeth recently relocated to Japan in order to speed up the process of world domination on the Asian front. Not only does he speak the language, but he’s infiltrated their society by marrying a Japanese girl. We demand the utmost dedication of our employees here at Niftythreads.

Besides Japan, we sell to dozens of other countries around the globe. Our one exception is Nigeria, where we will sell to, but on a cash only basis. The country seems to be teeming with con artists trying to buy crap with stolen credit card numbers.

We made the decision to base our company headquarters in the safest location in the US we could find: Orem, Utah (aka: Family City USA). Who would suspect world domination from sweet, innocent Utah?

Yes, I’ve always been lucky, it’s true, but what happened to me three weeks ago was out of this world. There’s this guy from Nigeria, Olu Gbenga, who’s totally cool it turns out, and he’s the son of a former dictator there.

He got into this bind where he had to put his money in my bank account, and then after I took care of a transfer here and some smooth talking there, he hooked me up with like $2,000,000. Crazy, huh!

When I first got the e-mail, the subject line said, “Assistance requested”. I don’t know, but if some one needs help, I’m totally down to help out, you know? I didn’t even expect to get anything from it, but then it turned out that I could totally be rewarded for it, too.

I read the whole thing, replied to this Mr. Gbenga, and he told me how I just needed to send him my bank account number. At first I thought, wait, Cheeth, you can’t just send him your account number, but then I really thought it out and realized how small the chances were that it was a scam or something.

First off, practically nobody has my e-mail address. I’ve probably only given it to maybe three people. There’s my brother Corky, my Aunt Eunice, and my “uncle” who works for this porn website. Besides that, I’ve only used it to sign up on one website, MSN I think it was, so how could anyone that’s up to no good possibly have my address?

No, I figure he’d heard from my professor about how I had that finance class at the community college, and I got a B, even though it was a super-hard class. Then he probably found out that I used to have that buddy who’d been to Africa and the combination of the two just led him right to me.

Second, these countries over there, man, they’ve always got guys coming in and out of power, making money in the meantime. I just had the right background to be able to handle the transactions.

So I decided to go ahead with it, and now I’m sippin’ the REAL Ocean Spray Cranberry juice instead of that lousy Wal=Mart knock-off. I also bought all of Kid Rock’s albums, even the old ones from when he was like Vanilla Ice.

And I got a Vanilla Ice haircut. You can laugh. You’re just jealous of my paper stack, beeatch!

So my point is, I’ve got all the money I need, so if any of you want to get in on the next one, Olu said I could hook up my friends, too. All you have to do is send me those account numbers, and I’ll talk to Olu for you.